Tuesday 4 September 2007

Waiting, resistance and .... and distraction

I am waiting for Michelle to return from NZ with some new source material for me. I have run out of "memories"............kind of. Having spoken to her several times I think that some of the info she is bringing back will triggar new memories (well and also she is bringing back the letters we sent to one another..........that will trigger lots of memories!). I am also waiting to hear from publishers............which is a strange feeling as I haven't stopped writing but would like some certainty or something back to get an idea how the book might (or might not) be recieved.
I am resisting contacting "Wendy", who was the British Sergeant I shared a room with in Bosnia. I think I have a possible home address for her........so have done some research and yet..........resisting. I am not sure why.........I can't/won't tell all I could about our time in Bosnia together if I can't contact her.........then if I do does it matter if she says yes or no - is that why I am resisting? Hmmm actually, no, I don't think it does matter. I don't expect her to be hostile (I have been wrong about these things before).......I did visit her in the UK after Bosnia so know she isn't a phycho...........I don't know - damn it I should just get out of bed early enough to try the telephone number I have or write the letter.......alright alright (see this is what resistance sounds like in my head). I will try calling this weekend - what's the worst that can happen!
Distraction is doing a thousand other things, not writing, not calling, surfing the net, blogging - it's all just a product of my being at some "tipping point" in all aspects of my life..........

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