A beginning

As I find myself increasingly introduced as "Jody, who is writing a book" I have begun to realise that writing the book is a beginning not an end. I am very aware of myself as someone in transition - I am not who I was - the past months could hardly have left me untouched - but I am not yet sure who I am. Of course I write the book from who I am today not who I was when I was 15 (when I decided to join the Army), 19 (when I did) or 26 (when I went to Bosnia). The clarity of the memories that have brought me to today surprise me. It's in those moments when I remember the smell and taste of Army life and life in Bosnia that I sit easy as it reminds me that I do have an essential core. It was there then and it is here now, it is the subtext to everything I write, it is part of the way I write.
Perhaps that is why I am called to write the book today, to remind me, to bring me back to the simple truths. I wasn't a hero then and I am not now, I am driven to know and understand my world, can be concurrently intense while lacking interpersonal engagement and, sometimes, I am funny, lite and delight in the oddness of life. Best discovery, as I write, I really do want to be candid, to not withhold, to be honest about how I saw things and how I saw myself.
Mostly too I am reminded that I have always enjoyed the previllige (with some notable exceptions) of surrounding myself with remarkable people. Is it possible that the book becomes the tangible output but it is really the intangible rewards that will be worth celebrating?