Saturday, 30 June 2007

Yes it is hard....

There are days when the words just flow. Stories coming flooding out of me, funny and sad. These days I love and when I read back on what I have written I feel good. This week has brought two big and unexpected things. Firstly I have been talking to a Bosnian woman. I have heard and learnt more about her experience of the war (among other things). She was in the US at the time but has since spent time back home. She hated the peacekeepers - I can understand why and we knew we were far from loved by everyone. It's been good to chat with her.
I am not sure if it will go in the book exactly as it is written yet but I have also written about Michelle and I breaking up (this process started while I was still in Bosnia). It made me cry - alot. While we've long ago mended those bridges writing about it had me so vividly recall how I felt at the time and how I destroyed that relationship. It also had me realise that I have never forgiven myself for the way I behaved. Nothing she or anyone else can say will change this -sometimes we just get to live with the past - this is one of those times. If anyone is concerned Michelle is heavily involved in writing the book (not actually writing it but she is my ghost editor). While it seems so very personal our story is an important part of the book and she will have read everything I say. Autobiography is both self indugent and cathartic. I am, surprisingly for me, very up for the whole emotional journey.

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